Everything Is Not What It Seems
by Mrs.IsabellaSwanCullen
Summary: Okay, just want to say. This is extremely ooc Out of character, for those who don't know . Its a normal saturday, and when has it been known that Bella ever HAS a normal day anyway? Rated M for small sexual content and alot of sexual language.


"Good god, how long will it take until Alice gets out of the bathroom? What could she be doing in there?" I muttered as Edward tapped his fingers on the wall, impatiently. "Is someone being impatient?" I smiled deviously.

"Yes, and _he_ wants to get into the shower with _his_ Bella." I blushed as he told me what the problem was. I heard a scream of,

"I'm in the shower, go away you ho!" Which apparently came from Alice. My facial expression turned to shocked,

"Alice, it's us, Bella and Edward." I could hear something drop onto the floor, I ran away with tears in my eyes and Alice screamed,

"Bella, I wasn't talking about you I was talking about-" I covered my ears before I could hear anymore, it was enough to hear her call me a ho, even if she wasn't even talking about me. I didn't want to hear her apologize either. I heard the water stop and I shoved my face into mine and Edward's pillow. I could hear impatient fingers tapping on the wall again. "Edward, I don't want to talk about it." He sighed and came over to the side of my bed and drew circles on my back. "If Alice was even talking about me, I don't want to hear it from you too." My shirt was pushed up more as Edward drew circles again, only harder this time, but not because he wanted to hurt me, because it actually felt good. He sighed again and walked out of the room, I sobbed into the pillow, then I heard pixie like steps walking into the room. Oh dear god, why me.

"Bella, I wasn't talking about you." I ran out of the room, clutching the pillow to my face, still. I heard Emmett's booming laughter and Edward's concerned talking as I smacked into the wall and fell backwards onto the ground. Alice continued to talk, "I was talking about-" I ran into the bathroom and shut the door in her face and locked it, even though I knew she could open it with on tap of her fist. I sat down on the side of the Jacuzzi tub newly added to the Cullen household. "ROSALIE!" She shouted.

My eyes shot open, and I giggled. I got up and opened the door for her, "Rosalie?!" I shouted. "Wouldn't she be knocking on the door louder, and be screaming 'Get out Alice, me and Emmett want to take a shower together!'?" I questioned. Alice nodded pathetically; I laughed and ran down the stairs to Rosalie.

"Hey, Rosalie." She looked up and frowned, I rocked back and forth on my feet, "Alice thinks you're a ho!" I ran away as fast as I could, which was surprisingly fast and into Edward's arms, where he carried me to our room.

**Rosalie POV**

Sheesh, Alice thinks _I _am a ho? I think she's one, Bella as well. Well, Bella is more like a whore, considering she has most likely slept with more than one person. I looked over at Bella as she ran away, yep, she definitely is, she has that look in her eyes, the same look- Wait, did I just think _I _was a whore now? God, there _must_ be something wrong with my mind today. I skipped up the stairs and ran up to 

Jasper. "Hey, Jazzy, ready for our secret love making!?"He smiled and nodded. Okay, maybe I am a whore.

**Bella POV**

That was hilarious, and I recorded every minute of it. Rosalie had the strangest look on her face as she thought about something I didn't know, Edward must have, because he was rolling all over the bed laughing.

"What was she thinking about?" I giggled, Edward laughed harder and then told me, what I was about to hear was shocking,

"First, Rosalie was like 'Alice thinks' _I'm _a ho?' Then, she said that Alice was a ho and you were a whore, and then she looked at you and thought that you definitely were. And then she skipped over to Jasper and told him what you heard, Jasper smiled and nodded, and then Rosalie thought, 'Okay, maybe I am a whore'." By now I was on the floor, clutching my knees to my stomach laughing. Edward lifted me up and kissed me lightly. Then plopped me down on the bed.

"Have you ever had sex with anyone before, Bella?" He muttered, I shook my head, no. I was a virgin, I've masturbated before though. And then I tried a vibrator, but it was one of those crappy cheap ones that don't even do anything if you orgasm on it. It was sort of gross cleaning it. Okay, it was really gross; I even threw up into the toilet. I stared at the strange bulge between Edward's pants. The horrible thing was that I never had the sex talk with Charlie, and I don't know what the 'bulge' was called. And I _REALLY_ did not want to ask Edward, though, I needed to. Asking anyone would be more embarrassing and they would laugh nonstop.

"Edward, what's the bulge… between your legs called?" I muttered. Edward chuckled and smiled,

"I don't really want to-" I frowned and cut him off,

"Please?"

"No."

"PLEASE?"

"No."

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"PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE! Please please please please please!!"

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"Fine."

"Yay!"

"Okay, it's called an erection. But I'm not telling you anything else…" He muttered, frowning. I giggled; I have finished my mission to find out, I, Isabella Marie Swan, have made Edward Anthony Masen Cullen crack, aren't I amazing? I looked out the window and stared at the trees.

"Can we go outside, Edward, it looks nice today." I said, smiling. It was pretty outside today, and I really wanted to go to our meadow, make out a bit, maybe we could try to get to second base. Which is sort of sad, considering that I can't do anything else with him.

"Sure, love. We'll go to our meadow." I beamed as he told me exactly what I wanted to hear. I jumped up and grabbed my bag, Rosalie was moaning from Jasper's room and Alice was dry sobbing into her designer jeans. I ran up to her,

"Alice, what's wrong." As if I didn't know. She sobbed harder into her jeans and I rubbed her shoulder softly,

"Rose… Jasper… af-af-AFFAIR!!" She shouted, sobbing harder, "I-I-I, I thought he lo-lo-loved m-meee!" She shouted louder, trying to get Jasper to hear her. She got up and walked up to Jasper's room, oh, this should be fun. She kicked the door down with her designer heels and ran inside, coming out with a naked Jasper in her hand. He was squirming and trying to get back to Rosalie, oh yes, this should be 

loads of fun. I was laughing now, it was so funny, I skipped over to Alice's room and peeked in through the crack in the bottom of the room. Alice was-

Shit, Alice was smacking Jasper across the face. I couldn't stop laughing; Edward ran up to me and peeked under the door too. We both sat up and he put me into his lap.

"Promise you'll never have an affair with Jasper or Emmett." He said, I shook my head and giggled. "Thanks, Bella."

"Is Carlisle okay?" I asked, Edward chuckled and thought it over,

"If it's a threesome, yes." I did a happy dance just to piss him off. He growled playfully and kissed me, but this wasn't one of his old fashioned closed mouth kisses. His mouth was open and his tongue was tracing my teeth carefully. A moan came out of my mouth, and then I heard it,

"Hey, get a room you guys!" Emmett shouted, happily. But I ignored him and opened my teeth for him, his tongue traced mine and I moaned again. "YO! Get off of her already, Edward." Edward growled and got up, grabbed Emmett and threw him into his room. Then he picked me up wedding style and ran out the door. Off we go to our meadow, to make out again, of course.

"Edward, that's as close as we've ever gotten to sex." I muttered, he stroked my face softly as we reached our meadow and chuckled. It wasn't funny though, it was serious, I wanted him so bad, and I think he could smell it. A rumble came from deep in his chest, but it wasn't a growl it was a-

He couldn't be though,

"Edward Cullen… are you, _purring?" _He shrugged and placed me down on the grass in all of his shining glory. Then he lay next to me and stroked my arm, oh, god, I needed him so bad.

"Yes, I suppose that I am. And, no, we aren't getting anywhere close to sex today, Bella." I scowled and grabbed his arm. "Bella, I'm sorry, but, I just can't, your so-" I cut him off,

"BREAKABLE! Yes, I know Edward." He smiled and grabbed my waist, "That didn't break me." I did a happy dance in my head as he forced his lips down on mine. I broke away and ruined his moment; this was fun, this _teasing_ thing. "Not this time Mr. Cullen." Suddenly the song Lollipop by Mika blared through the meadow, I sat up quickly, Edward right after me, and Emmett came trotting along with the music. And Alice was behind him, laughing.

**This was a strange day.**

I sat there, eyes wide. Edward _must_ have known this was going to happen, I looked at his face. There was that familiar smirk I knew by heart now.

"What." I paused and looked at Emmett's break dancing.

"The." I continued, Alice sang along to the song.

"Hell." I finished. Emmett finished the song with a split and the sound of jeans ripping. I blushed and Emmett ran away and handed Alice the boom box. The song changed to a different Lollipop, this time by Lil' Wayne. Alice put her hot pink hat on backwards, and brought on the break dancing. She started by circling the meadow, waving her hands back and forth. She put the boom box down and did a double flip. My jaw dropped and I felt Edward's arm wrap around me. I grabbed his other arm and plopped myself onto his lap. He smiled and I watched as Alice cartwheeled around the meadow. I giggled as she ended in a split too, but her pants didn't rip, then…. I saw it.

Or did I hear it?

Esme ran into the meadow… with bunny ears on, she was wearing a blonde wig, and, hell, I don't really want to say this about Esme but…

Good god, she looked hot!! My jaw dropped again, and she ran out and screamed at Emmett, that she was way too embarrassed. I heard something like, "BUT YOU CAN'T BE, YOU HAVE TO GO OUT THERE AND ACT LIKE A **PLAYBOY BUNNY!!**" I screamed in laughter, Edward checked my face, to see if I was screaming in pain, or because I was in hilarity. I was enjoying myself, and this little show. Esme skipped back out, this time she had a magic wand, she ran around the meadow, so fast that I could barely see her; she hit Edward on the head, causing him to lean forward. He muttered "Ow." I giggled as Esme ran out, and then Carlisle came on, in a doctor uniform. He muttered something like "Okay, now I present, the famous Rosalie, talking about…" he looked at a card and muttered, "Hair." I groaned and flopped my head back on Edwards shoulder.

"HELLO EVERYONE! Today… oh forget it. EMMETT, THIS IS MEANINGLESS, I NEED A NEW PART IN THIS SHITTY SHOW!!" I giggled as she ran out. Edward rubbed my shoulders. I was stressing a bit, I was scared for what Jasper was going to do. He was the last act.

Jasper ran on, and muttered, "The end." That was crap, it started great, and then worse and worse and-

Holy Shit.

Fireworks shot up in the air as all of them cartwheeled through the meadow, god, I didn't think Emmett could do that. Rosalie, Alice and Esme landed in splits while Emmett, Jasper and Carlisle landed in a handstand. I died laughing. The last song ended, which was Love Today, by Mika. Mika was popular today, I grasped Edward's arm as I laughed. Emmett collapsed onto the ground, along with everyone else. I got up and clapped.

"Excellent. Who knew that a family full of vampires could do something so extravagant-" Rosalie burst up in anger,

"THE WORST THING I HAVE EVER SPENT A SATURDAY DOING!!" She stormed out with Emmett running after her screaming, "Rosalie, baby, it was just a show for Bella! Come on, I know you don't like her but-" I heard a rustle in the bushes. Then Angela stepped out, good god, what the hell.

"Oh my god. You guys are vampires?!" she shouted. Carlisle nodded nervously. "Oh my god, I'm a witch!" My jaw dropped.

How ironic.

Didn't I say that before?

I said that if Angela was a witch, she could join a party. What party? Okay, a mythical creature party? Edward's eyes grew wide and I ran up to her.

"W-witch?" I muttered. She nodded, "Oh great, now _all_ my friends are mythical creatures."

"Who else do you know who's a mythical creature? You have the Cullens, and me. Who else?" She said, smiling. I scowled,

"The La Push boys." I muttered. Her smile grew wider,

"You mean Jacob and those other guys?" She said, grinning. Edward must have gotten up, because his arms wrapped around my waist from behind. I nodded, Edward looked down at me, and I pushed him off.

"Now is _not _the time, Edward." I shouted, angry. "So, what do you do that's so special?" I cursed in my mind, my thoughts sounded a bit like this,

_FUCK!! How the hell did this happen, ALL of my friends are some sort of weird creature, werewolf, vampire, and witch? What am I? Weird smelling freak? Sweet Smelling Blood… girl? I could die knowing that everyone I know is a weird creature._

What's Jessica? A magic pillow? Suddenly Jessica walked into the meadow.

Please, please, please…

"Hey, guys. I'm a magic talking pillow." I ripped a chunk of my hair out.

What is wrong with me today?

Wait, am I dreaming. I pinched myself as hard as I could. Ow, that hurt. No, I'm definitely NOT dreaming. I ran out of the meadow and screamed; suddenly Lauren popped out at me and yelled, "HEY BELLA! I'm a dragon!!" I ran faster, I needed to get out of this dream world. I ran up the stairs of the Cullen house. Mike popped out and screamed,

"I'M A TALKING TELEVISION!!" I shrieked and slammed the door. The house was filled with many Charlie's, oh god, I must be dreaming.

"HEY BELLA! I CAN MAKE THOUSANDS OF ME!" All of them said. I screamed and ran up the stairs, to find-

I was sleeping in the bed.

What the heck was going on? I lifted up the arm of the 'Bella' and it broke off. It was made of some type of easily breakable rock.

How ironic. Doesn't Edward think I'm super breakable or something? Wait, what day is it?

I stared at the calendar.

Oh no, they didn't.

They absolutely didn't.

Everyone ran upstairs and into the room, I screamed,

"APRIL FOOLS, BELLA!!"

After that everything went black.

I must have passed out, because, when I woke up, and went downstairs.

Everyone was acting like nothing happened.

And there was no Charlie, no Angela, no Lauren, no Mike and no thousands of Charlie's. I sighed and plopped myself down on the couch. Suddenly a giant dragon pranced in,

"What did I miss? Wait, did I miss the prank? Guys?!"

Oh, not again.

**AN- That was EXTREMELY fun to write. It was extremely extremely extremely fun. I loved it, and I hope you loved it too! Hooray! Rate and Review.**

**Although you can't rate. Actually. You can review; just click that go button down there.**

**This story is dedicated to Mezzanottex3, because she listened to all of my paragraphs that I wasn't sure about. She is truly a friend. And is helpful. And also, she agreed, that Edward is the purr king. And that will never change.**

**Amen.**

**Review!! Thank you!**

**Samantha**


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